Girls Weekend Out – Part 2

Ok, so I had a true blond moment this weekend. My girlfriend, Red, tells me that the door to the stairs is closed on the way up to the condo. So after a few hits off the keg-o-rader we head out. Several members of the pack take the elevator, but Red and her sis go down the stairs. In my blond moment I say “I thought the stairs weren’t working?”

So Red turns 40 and 9 of her best buds gather around at her folks house in Ocean City, MD. Walking distance to Macky’s Seacrets and Fager’s. I was in heaven. I arrive Friday around 1 and we head to the beach. Whistle Crazy Lifeguard Bitch was at the helm. Despite her frantic cries on the whistle we head out into the surf. Ten minutes after meeting (we’ll call her “Mom” because he job for the weekend was to count and make sure there were 9 girls at all times) Mom a giant wave pummels her and she lands face up in my crotch! Hello there.

We decide the surf is too intense so we cover up and head to Mackey’s for happy hour. The storm keeps us inside but the Miller LiteGuards were there and we scored some free drinks. The deal was we buy a ML, they buy the next. When Red went to collect on her ML the LiteGuards were out. So they hand her a ML beer cooler instead. Red opens the beer cooler to discover 9 whistles! I mean how perfect is that? 9 chicks. 9 whistles. What’s more fun than drunk girls with whistles (NOT).

Anyway, I used my whistle rather often. When crossing coastal highway I would yell “move it out, troops!” and toot on the whistle. In my drunken stupor it was the funniest damn thing any of us had ever heard. We shower and head out to Fager’s. Now by the time we got to Fager’s the line was huge. I’m not the type of person who will sit in wait in a line if there’s a chance I can get in sooner. So Mom and I head to the front.

“We have a 40th birthday party and a bridal party. Pick one. Just let us in now.” The bridal party bit worked and we were in. I wasn’t lying. We did have a bride to be in the bunch so we made her do some embarassing tasks throughtout the evening. We started out with a round of kamikazes and the night was off to a great start.

To recap the evening, there were lacross boys (who were apparently into COUGARS).  There were doctors. There were cigarettes (no lectures, please, I don’t do it often at all). There was tons of dancing (on top of bars and on the floor). A drunken college boy tried to hit on me (yeah, I still got it), but I showed him the rock then threw him at Squirrley Girl. She was grateful, he was too, and all was well in drunken land. Mom held me up on the way home. I quickly passed out when we entered the condo and day one was over.

Day Two was rough in the morning. Squirrley Girl and I needed lots of ice cold water ASAP. We ran and jumped into the ocean. Agh! Hangover bliss. We swam for 45 minutes then got out. Once the hot sun hit us we wanted to hurl. We ended up hauling ass back to the condo then went for greasy hangover food. Two slices of Tony’s Pizza and a pitcher of Yuengling later we were on our game! We opted for a shopping spree on the boardwalk then sprinted back when the girls called and said they were heading for Seacrets.

We met up at Seacrets and were greeted to a sea of very drunk people in skimpy swimsuits. We were still wearing out suits, but were very covered up at the time. I thoroughly enjoyed 3 PAIN IN THE ASS cocktails (the Seacrets specialty). I kept noticing the table next to us looking over our way. I tried to ignore the glances but obviously something was up. One of them (I swear he looked like the Priest, Damion, in THE EXCORCIST) came over and talked to Mom. Apparently, the whole table was looking at MOI! Now, let me tell you, we had some freaking hots chicks in our party. Tall Skinny Blond was drop dead gorgeous. Mom had skin that was flawless; she just glowed. Smoking Jogger girl was skinny and had long flowing hair. There were options, let’s just say that. I am a bit curvier than the others so I was a bit shocked to know the attention was bestowed on me. Let’s just say “My Humps” should be my theme song. Anyway, the Damion table liked it (thank you, Victoria’s Secret Summer cover ups). Anyway, I showed them the rock and they backed off, but the attention did wonders for my self esteem.

On the way out of Seacrets a man says “did you see the celebrity?” I said, “no, who?” He says, ” Wesley Snipers,” and pointed me in his direction. Five footer and I ran over and tried to meet him. The bouncer stopped Five Footer but I snuck in behind and shook his hand and took his picture.

Wesley Snipes Chilling at Seacrets in Ocean City, MD

Holy crap! I met Wesley Snipes at Seacrets in OC! Awesome.

We head back to the condo because we got crabs. No, not the genital kind – the hard shell, dip in vinegar with lots of old bay kind. After pigging out we shower, dress, and head back to Seacrets. This is my favorite bar in the entire world. There is no place quite like it. We had a blast. We danced, we watched Michael Phelps win the 8th gold, I karate kicked an Irish guy, we passed out the 40th birthday cups (but you had to be “cup worthy”). It was a good time.

I woke up and headed home. I thank my husband for trusting me enough to go, and I thank my new friends (and old friends) for a great time. Girls do JUST WANNA HAVE FUN.

No pillow fights, though. Sorry.