My Pet Peeves (v1)

One thing that drives me insane is bad bathroom etiquette. Why, when there are 10 empty stalls in a bathroom, does someone have to come in and grab the stall RIGHT BESIDE ME?

Don’t even get me started with peeing on the seat, not washing your hands, and leaving before ensuring all deposits have been properly flushed! ugh!

Hello, Aren’t There Any Good Looking Male Physical Therapists Out There?

It’s Christmas Eve. One would hope to have the ground lightly covered in a soft, fluffy, powdery snow to get into the mood. Nope. Not this year. We get rain. And not only do we get rain, but we get freezing temperatures. I woke up in a frantic because I forgot to put a bill in the mailbox. I throw on a jacket, don’t even bother with the shoes and head out the front door. It’s only rain, after all! I’m not made of sugar.

I’m not made of all weather tires either. My foot hit the (what I thought was wet) pavement. I was wrong. It was solid ice. I no sooner touched down then I went flying. I couldn’t land on my padded ass, it had to be my back. So after 2 weeks of dealing with it I finally go to the doctor. She sends me to physical therapy (though I prefer to call it rehab — I get more looks that way). So here I am, twice a week, FOR A WHOLE MONTH, I am going to rehab.

Not that my therapist isn’t good, but look at it this way. I’m already in pain. I’m already stiff and grouchy. I don’t want to work harder. What incentive do I really have? Yeah, yeah, a better back; I get it. But what’s wrong with some eye candy? If I have to be there doing all of this hard work, why can’t some muscular man be working out the knots? Not a part-time soccer mom for crying out loud. The eye candy can even be gay as far as I am concerned. Just give me some motivation to want to go there, ok?

Thank god for the pain pills and muscle relaxers. At least I have something good out of this whole ordeal.

GM Diet – Day 7

Thank god! The end is here. All of the flu-like symptoms have passed. The hunger pain has subsided. All I could eat today is brown rice, veggies, and fruit juices. The food is still bland but at least I was able to eat a complex carbohydrate! I’ll tell you one thing, after putting myself through this hell I am not going to go out and put it back on! Starting tomorrow it is portion control and plenty of exercise (at least as much as my battered back will allow).

I cant’ say I’d recommend this diet for the faint at heart. You must be seriously desperate to go through this hell. I didn’t loose any weight today, but my total for the week is 11.5 pounds. I feel better and look better, but was it worth it? I’m not sure. I wish I would’ve known that I wouldn’t loose any pounds these last two days. I would’ve stopped at day five, had I known.

I plan on continuing my quest to lose the inches, but I am going back on Weight Watchers so I can eat real food. I now have a buddy at work that will do Weight Watchers with me so it should be easier. You do not lose as much as quickly as the GM Diet, but it is much easier to stick to the plan.  Weight Watchers will also allow me to bank points so I can insert glasses of wine back into my life.

If it weren’t for the blog I probably wouldn’t have made it through the week. Thanks for helping.

GM Diet – Day 6

Today started with a visit to the doctor. Apparently this diet is not the sole source of my aches and pains. What I came to find out is that on Christmas Eve, when I slipped on the black ice, I allegedly pulled every muscle in my back (and pulled them REALLY good). It apparently takes some time for pulled muscle symptoms to present so my discomfort is not entirely from starvation. Thank god.

Today should go by quickly now. It’s lean beef and vegetables day. I am going to polish off the rest of the cabbage soup. I’ll probably do a salad with the beef, go to back rehab, and then I plan to rest for the remainder of the day with my pain killers and muscle relaxers. Hey, if I can’t drink alcohol on this diet, prescription meds are the next best thing! Ha ha.

I am not hungry at all this morning, which is a nice change. In fact, I needed to remind myself to eat the food. The diet says I should notice a huge change in the way my body looks today. I don’t know that I saw a huge change but I definately feel better (and I am writing this BEFORE I took the pain killers so those are not the reason I feel better).

The cravings have ceased and the only sign of a headache is from the pain in my back. I did not loose any weight on this day, but I did finally sleep well.

GM Diet – Day 5

Today’s menu consists of lean hamburger meat and tomatoes. I was actually looking forward to today until I tasted the tomatoes. You see, in the mid-Atlantic during winter, tomatoes are not exactly fresh. It’s not been as noticable until now because they’ve been buried in either soup or salad. But today I have to eat six winter tomatoes. I am having a hard time with this. I’m in the office and cannot do much about it here, but it is so bad that I am thinking of pureeing them when I get home and drinking them down just to say I’ve eaten them.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that hamburgers are only as good as the condiments that go on them. I cannot have salt, oil or sugar so I cannot have mustard, ketchup, mayo — even pickles are out. I am eating my lonely hamburger with a few natural herbs tossed into it. No bun. No glory at all. This sucks.

Not mention I have to increase my water intake from 10 glasses to at least 12 so that I can get rid of the extra acid the tomatoes are putting into me. I feel like hell. I am lightheaded today, cranky and just want this horrible diet to end. Two more days to go. Pounds lost today = 2.5!

GM Diet – Day 4

Day 4 started out pretty good. It’s milk and banana day! I know; it’s sounds gross, but I was actually looking forward to feeling full for once. I knew the milk would serve that purpose. I was allowed up to 8 bananas, but only consumed 6. I did have a bowl of the soup at lunch (it’s allowed), but the soup is starting to loose it’s luster. I’ve only eaten about a gallon of it by now (gag).

I have to go in to the office tomorrow so I’ve been prepping by cooking hamburgers and slicing tomatoes (tomorrow’s cuisine). I was doing ok; I exercised and everything. Until it happened — my 5 year old asked me to make her some POPCORN. OMG. One whiff of that wonderful, buttery aroma made my head spin. My stomach immediately growled and I knew I had to take a nap or go insane.

Then my mom calls (interrupting my nap) and asks me if I want to go to an “all you can eat” buffet. Why are people so cruel to me? I mean, what did I do to anybody? Just leave me alone to detox my freaking body! AGGGGHHHH!I explained to her that I was doing the GM Diet and therefore could not accompany them. I got a 5 minute lecture on why I should not do this to myself. I immediately regretted telling her, but I had to say something to get out of the luncheon invite.

I am not as irritable today (despite the challenges presented to me) and  the flu like symptoms have lessened slightly. The headache is less severe and my aches and pains are limited to my lower back. Believe it or not, after the limited diet I’ve had this week, the bananas and milk have been quite satisfying. And despite the popcorn episode and the luncheon request I’ve managed to stick to the Day 4 menu.

Only 3 more days to go. I actually get to ingest MEATtomorrow. Mmmm, meat (in my best Homer Simpson voice). Oh that sweet, wonderful charred animal flesh! How I have missed that smell, the taste, the satisfying calm that washes over me after I complete a good burger (don’t judge me until you’ve been on this diet, please!). I have learned through this whole experience that I could never be a vegetarian.

Total weightloss of Day 4 was 1 pound.

GM Diet – Day 3

Today I was allowed to eat fruits AND vegetables. Whew hew. I woke up and felt like death warmed over. I was achy and my headache was worthy of an Oscar. I was a bit ticked to find out that the children had eaten all of my fruit, so I had to get dressed and go to the grocery store to replenish my supply.

I came home afterwards and ate my fruit. Then I drank my normal, black coffee and then forced myself to walk the dog. My body didn’t feel quite as beaten after I walked the dog so I decided to risk it on the elliptical machine again. I stretched my muscles as much as I could and actually felt a little better.

I loaded up on vitamin C by eating oranges and pineapples in large quantities. I’ve been taking vitamins this whole week, as well as amazon herbs to help with digeston and my immune system. I was still tired of eating nothing but cold, hard food so I ate some of the soup. The hardest part of sticking to this diet is the lack of variety. I just get so bored with the choices.

I had to attend a baby shower, but halfway through the shower I started to get the stomach pains and flu like symptoms. I left early and came straight home and went to bed. I stayed in bed from 5 pm until 7:30 am. I was also freezing cold (anyone that knows me knows that I am ALWAYS hot. ALWAYS! The fact that I was cold was an indicator that I was not feeling well). The only thing that helped at all was a benadryl cold/flu tablet. My headache was just awful and this knocked it out. Could this diet actually be giving me a cold? I know I don’t have the flu because I’ve been vaccinated for that.

This is by far the hardest week I’ve ever spent on a diet. I honestly hope I make it. I woke up the next day and had lost another pound. Only 4 more days to go. Again, the weight loss IS the motivation.

GM Diet – Day 2

After Day 1 of nothing but fruit, the baked potato with a pat of butter for Day 2’s breakfast was heavenly! I thought to myself “ok, the worst is over. I can do this!”

Day 2 consists of nothing but vegetables (and the baked potato you get for breakfast). Hold on, salad freaks — you cannot have ANY dressing on your salad — only herbs and either lemon or vinegar. Yum (sarcasm).

After two days of nothing hot to eat I decided to make the GM Diet soup. This consists of a head of cabbage, a head of celery and veggies to your liking. The base is onion soup (I hate onions with a passion; why does every crappy diet focus on onions? I’d rather be a cow than consume onions). So, I modified the soup slightly. I strained the onions out of the soup and I didn’t use the EXTRA 2 ONIONS they suggest putting in. I added carrots and red cabbage, in addition to the regular cabbage. It was actually pretty tasting and I think the soup is the only way I survived Day 2.

I guess the actual flushing process started today. I felt like shit. Every muscle in my body ached and I felt like I had the flu. I was queasy and just wanted to lie in bed all day. Did I mention that you have to consume 10 glasses of water each day? Try drinking water when all you want to do is puke.

I forced myself to do the elliptical machine again and did 100 crunches on top of that. Then I got out the heating pad and spent the rest of the day in bed.  OMG! Am I going to survive this diet? I am constantly hungry, light-headed, and queasy. Five more days to go…

I woke up the next day and lost an additional 2.5 lbs! Ok, motivation. Ugh!

GM Diet – Day 1

Like most people, on January 1st I make a resolution. Considering that this year is my trip to Vegas, and my 20th high school reunion I resolved to get thin and get in shape. I’ve decided to do the GM Diet, as this is more of a diet to flush the toxins in your systems, while getting thinner simultaneously. After all the holiday eating (and drinking) I thought my body could use a good flush!

I decided to start Day 1 on  January 1st. In hindsite this was probably not the wisest choice. I was severly hungover from my neighbors New Year’s Eve bash. Not to mention there were Christmas decorations that needed to be boxed and stored. I still managed to do the elliptical machine for 40 minutes and put a good dent in taking down the Christmas decorations.

At least in keeping busy I kept my mind off of food. But by the end of the day I was so hungry I had to take two sleeping pills just to sleep through the hunger pains.

Day 1 is nothing but fruit. They emphasis eating mostly melons (gag). I don’t know if you’ve ever been hungover before, but fruit is typically not what you would refer to as “hangover food.” Greasy sandwiches or chinese food usually help with a hangover. Needless to say, Day 1 was brutal. At least I was able to consume my black coffee, as usual. That was my only saving grace.

However, I woke up and had lost 5 pounds from Day 1!