Cage Fitness Is Evil

In my advanced karate class last week my instructor decides to set up 20 stations. We are on each station for two minutes and off for 30 seconds. Each station is somethig like jump rope, push ups, tossing a medical ball, punching, sit ups, etc. You get the point. So for an hour we move between the stations.  Now I was sore from that, but Cage Fitness is even worse!

My instructor decides to unleash a new form of torture on me. He selects me to be his “test dummy” for Cage Fitness, a new program that will be offered by the gym. If you haven’t seen Cage Fitness videos you must check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEc_4vf_3Ho&feature=related. It was designed by an evil man named, Matt Hughes.

Cage Fitness is Evil. I cannot stress that ENOUGH! I’ve been taking martial arts for almost three years and when I tell you it is evil, it is evil. Five minute rounds, with a minute to rest in between. Each round has an exercise that lasts 45 seconds.

Round 1: step kick the bag 45 seconds, jump over the bag 45 seconds, knee the bag 45 seconds lift the bag with your arms 45 seconds, lift the bag keeping arms straight and lifting with legs 45 seconds. Oh right. Did I mention that the bag weighs between 60 and 70 pounds.

Rest one minute

Round 2: knee on bag — punch punch opposite knee on bag — punch punch 45 seconds, lift up the bag and hug it while squatting 45 seconds, more squatting exercises, leg lifts, something follows, but this is where it starts to get hazy. Remember, I am ONLY on round 2!

Rest one minute (at this point on my back on the floor…)

Round 3: People yelling at me to breathe, violent urge to throw up, exericses were involved but not entirely sure what they were. Praying to god to kill me at this point.

Rest one miniute (again, lying on the floor in a pool of my own sweat…)

Round 4: Vaguely aware that skin on my knuckles is now starting to come off, cannot hold bag anymore because I am sweating too bad, Oh good! crunches while holding the bag with my leg and punching at the same time. You want me to do WHAT???? Vaguely aware I told instructor I hate him and that everyone around me can F off. 

Rest one minute. Let’s face it, at this point I am just trying to stay conscious.

Round 5: The home stretch. I can do this. It’s almost over. More punching, more kicking, and at this point I am screaming so loud the entire gym can hear me and I don’t care.

At last it ends. I made it. I survived. My face is bright red, my hair is hanging all over my face.  I look like a crazed psychopath. Whoa.

So, I finally found one thing that I hate worse than sparring. As you can tell Cage Fitness is evil. But the worst part about it is my freaking friend says we are going back on Monday.

FML! Two may be going, but only one might return…