My Son is a Moron

I have a pre-teen son. He is in seven grade and he has turned into a moron. Now I’ve been preparing myself for this time in my life but now that it is here I find it hard to believe how completely moronic he truly is. I mean seriously.

Seven weeks into school I find out he has band practice after school one day a week. Seven weeks into school and he has not once attended! And I only found out after emailing his teacher about an unrelated matter and she asks me if he planned on ever showing up!

I ask him about it: “Well, she said something about practice but I didn’t know what she was talking about.”

Moron.

So I tell him that next Monday he is to go to after school band practice. He says ok.

 

He comes home.

 

GGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! What part of my statement was not 100% clear??????

So the NEXT Monday I explain to him in graphic detail that even if his eyeballs are bleeding he is to go to after school band practice.

 

That worked. Whew! Ok, making progress here.

 

Today I remind him to remember to stay after school for band practice.

 

He comes home! WTF??????!!!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me? Did we not just learn this lesson?

 

So tomorrow is a special session. I, ONCE AGAIN, informed him that even if his eyeballs are bleeding he is to stay for special band rehearsal. And for punishment for missing today’s band practice I have volunteered my husband and myself to chaperone his school bus ride to and from the parade.

I then went on to inform him that if we have any further issues remembering to attend band practice that I am going to ride that bus wearing a clown costume and embarrass the crap out of him.

I can only imagine the issues to come over the next ten years. I foresee a lot of alcohol or one of us isn’t going to survive.